Figuring It Out

I still can't figure out this blogging.  I have now begun three and this is the only one I can consistently find.  None-the-less, I am determined to get my words out there.  Don't ask why because that's not really answerable right now.

I guess, though, in some ways it began when I decided to retire.  This was an easy decision in so many ways because the school I had loved had become unrecognizable.  We had been play-based and developmentally thoughtful.  Curriculum was built around the children and delivered by specialists.  As teachers, we had so many freedoms and, we loved it.

But, things change.  Times change and boards change.  The school began to change - not suddenly, but slowly.  It was hard to continue fighting for the things that, in retrospect, were what made us different.  We had done the hiring, but now the head took this over.  Committees became meaningless since the heads of the three schools made their own decisions, pretending (it felt like) that our voices counted.  They didn't. Programs and mandates found their way into our classrooms - not ones we had decided on, but ones that were determined for us.  "You will have every child fill out this survey on bullying."  Yes, there were a few bullies, but most of the children had little understanding of this concept.  And, in the past, bullying behaviors were dealt with on an individual basis.  So, rather than respecting the work we did to create community, we were told what was wrong and how we would fix things.  Incidentally, we weren't wrong, there was nothing the matter, it's all a matter of someone's perception.  And, we were no longer in charge.

And now, whistles are being used.  This, at a school where the children used to made so many decisions and life wended its way through each and every day. There are still a few of the "old" thinkers around, but they are finding life more and more isolating.  The dynamic of conversation, the depth of thinking and the continuous dialogues about who we were, where we were going and what would best meet the needs of our children are relics from the past.  I can't quite figure it all out now.  But, I intend to try.